10.19.07

‘Sauce bhi kabhi Tamatar thee !!’ -The Balaji Telefilms story

Posted in Humour at 7:23 am by The Intellectual Terrorist

Very few people know this. Balaji Telefilms doesn’t have a scipt writer. They have a computer program that writes(generates) the script.

This is how they do it.
They feed the computer a list of standard entities consisting of the below:

Characters

husband(1 numbers),
wife(1 numbers),
Mistress/souten(1 numbers),
kids(3 numbers),
wives of kids(2 numbers),
Kids of kids(4 numbers),
Kid engaged to shady lady(1 numbers)
Mom-in-law(1 numbers)
Grandmother(1 numbers)
Father-in-law(picture on wall in most cases; 1 numbers)
All these ‘characters’ come together to make up one extremely happy dysfunctional family.

Demographics

Joint family-2 numbers for rivalry. Otherwise 1 extremely dysfunctional(normal for Balaji Telefilms). One out of two families should comprise individuals who are either extremely super duper nice(Pairi Pauna types) or real bitches.
Either Punjabi or Gujarathi (1 numbers each)
Rich with gigantic house(many in one serial, to be a megahit)

Festivals

Karwah chauth
Holi
Karwah chauth
Diwali
Gudi Padva
Karwah chauth
Local festival depending on state family supposed to be based in. (popular ones are punju, gujju and marwadi)
Karwah chauth(many times a year)
Favourite chorus song

Jaidev Jaidev Jai mangal murti
Jaidev Jaidev Jai mangal murti

Occasions that can be used and abused

Infidelity
Death
Sickness
Accident
Kidnapping
Ransom
Murder
Robbery
Stabbing in back (in business)
Birth
Re-birth

Their computer program uses all these entities and spits out various standard situations.
People + festivals +demographics+ occasions + chorus song = 180 episodes a year for 10 years.

Favourite chorus song plays
Jaidev Jaidev Jai mangal murti
Jaidev Jaidev Jai mangal murti

Balaji telefilms have collectively brought down the GIP (Gross Intellectual Product) of this country into negative figures. Crores of women are tuned into what’s happening with Tulsiji and Paravati. Unfortunately no daughter in law wants to play these characters in real life. So maybe this is what M-I-L’s are looking for and can’t get in real life and hence are watching. Maybe they should also watch Sex and the City for things that they don’t get in real life.
(Sex and ?…
Editor: Jaidev Jaidev Jai mangal murti
Jaidev Jaidev Jai mangal murti )

Hard facts:

• Joint families exist in India, only in Balaji Telefilm serials.
• Balaji Telefilms(BT) have pretty much spawned a boom in the TV entertainment industry and has provided employment to tonnes of people who would otherwise have worked in some call centre. Getting BT out of business will definitely throw the economy into recession.
• Any company that can make one person do the same thing repeatedly, year after year is commendable. (Like writing an imposition ‘I will not talk in class’ .. everyday for 6 years. Try it out. Ekta can do that !! Correction can get that done by other people and make them believe that it’s really important. “I will work in the same TV serial, with the same characters, mouth the same dialogue, year after year. JaiBalaji”. Repeat 5 days a week for 6 years.)
• Working with Balaji Telefilms serials is like working for a company (Not an IT one, since people there switch twice a year). Initially acting was supposed to be a non-stable job, with intermittent work. Now it’s a normal 9-5 job, 5 days a week, for multiple years. Not possible if Balajai telefilms had not forayed into this sphere. All the characters have a pension plan. And also VRS sometimes.
• Now your chance of being in a TV serial is huge … really HUGE. Pretty much everyone I know, works in a TV serial or knows someone who does. Andy Warhols 15 minutes of fame is now becoming reality .. worse a nightmare. Cause it’s not just 15 minutes now. http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Andy_Warhol
• Ekta Kapoor has successfully brought to public notice that half this country is filled with morons, who do not have the ability to think. We would not have known this otherwise.
• The Intellectual Terrorist – blows your mind

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