10.18.07

Coked and Pepsied !!

Posted in Current Affairs, Humour at 6:08 am by The Intellectual Terrorist

Since Pepsi and Coke are now being banned in most states and also in schools and offices, the soft drink companies have started selling the colas to farmers. Farmers are using these colas as pesticides and spraying them indiscriminately in their fields, causing greater concern for environmentalists. Over indulgent mothers are now worried that children will start eating more vegetables and consume coke clandestinely through natural means.

Farmers who have been unable to pay their debts in Vidharbha have started drinking Coke. Every since farmers realized that there is major pesticide residue in soft drinks, they have adopted this means to end their life. Farmers in Vidharbha are drinking Coke like crazy. All the Coke that has been banned in schools and colleges and govt offices is now making its way to Vidharbha. Women’s organization in villages who were concerned about the alcohol problem and protesting against it have now turned their efforts to a graver issue: Soft Drinks !!

Sales of Baygon Spray have also dropped. Housewives have discovered that spraying coke on cockroaches is far more effective than all the insect sprays in the market. My neighbors’ son who failed in his SSC exam was last seen buying a crate of coke, since it was much much cheaper than Baygon Spray.

Drinking coke before going to sleep ensures that all mosquitoes that aim for your blood die within no time. I tried this last night … and there was a mosquito graveyard in my bedroom.

Mother in laws have started throwing away kerosene stoves and are forcing their daughters in law to consume soft drinks.

I read in the newspapers about two family friends who ended in a quarrel, when they invited the other for dinner and offered them soft drinks. The guests took this as an insult. Now people do not ask you for ‘chai thanda’. They just say ‘chai’.
Kitnee bhee garmee ho, sirf chai milega.

All brand ambassadors for soft drinks have drafted their will and are now spending more time with their families and enjoying the good things in life, since they realize that they do not have much time left.

Al Qaeda’s next campaign of terror involves offering free soft drinks to everyone traveling by train in Mumbai. Major Al Qaeda operatives have been caught at the border trying to smuggle out crates of Indian Coke and Pepsi, for sale on London metros. The Israelis have ordered 60 million dollars worth of Indian Coke and Pepsi to wage a cola war in Lebanon.

In Hindi films now, when the heroine ditches the hero, the hero is seen playing the piano, with a bottle of soft drink on the side.

Sanjay Leela Bansali is now working on remaking Devdas replacing the alcohol with Coke. In this version Devdas dies even before Paro’s marriage.
Supposedly all of Rani Mukherjee’s afflictions in Black, were because her mother consumed soft drinks during her pregnancy. Talk about the ill effects of cola !!

Sachin Tendulkar’s recent health issues have been attributed to the cola he endorses. The UPA has send Natwar Singh a consignment of Coke to show their contempt for his views on the Prime Minister.

Concerned mothers are asking their kids to switch to cigarettes and alcohol, since these are much safer alternatives to soft drinks.

The fertilizer companies have started checking colas for fertilizer content, to ensure that their fertilizer market has not been affected like the pesticide one.

With the recent heavy rains and super duper flooding in Western India, cola companies are now assured that the ground water is depleted of all pesticide and their new found market in pest control has been totally wiped out. Their plan to bring in Anna Hazare as their brand Ambassador for the pest control products is now on the shelf and they’re back with Sachin. And we’re all back to square. We’ll have to now wait a couple of years for farmers to spray pesticides indiscriminately, the pesticide to seep into the groundwater, for the CEC to analyse the soft drinks and for me to write this article again. Now get back to work.

The Intellectual Terrorist

-blows your mind

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